30.11.2017 Personal Growth

Transform tough times

Business mentor and author John Drury suggests three steps to deal with negative self talk

When something causes you to struggle or feel out of control, it is helpful to break things down into the following three steps. Don’t just react in the emotion of the moment. You do not want to make things worse. (Out of the frying pan, into the fire!) Resist the pressure of the moment, take a minute to breathe, and you will handle things better and have fewer regrets.

  • 1. Deal with the initial setback
  • 2. Take the time to process
  • 3. Make steps to move on
  • Hold your ground. Make no admissions or big decisions until you have some clarity about what is really happening and can formulate action steps. Ask questions and seek to understand clearly.
  • Be aware of your internal chatter. Learn to focus on good things, true things. Work hard to be gentle in your self talk. Don’t be harsh with yourself or others. Emotional reactions do not help make things better.
  • Take a moment, an hour or a day to absorb the shock, and process your emotions. Seek appropriate assistance to help you manage yourself and gain some perspective.
  • Seek appropriate support. Depending on the issue this may be HR, legal, mediation, a colleague or a boss who is an ally.
  • Discuss the matter with the appropriate people. Make decisions in a considered way. Do your best to represent yourself well and to maintain emotional control.

  • Write out what you have learned. Failure and disappointment are good teachers. There has to be some gain for you.
  • What would you do differently if you faced this again?
  • Is there anyone or anything you need to address, apologise to, forgive or let go of? Get help so any wounds heal well.
  • Now let it go. You have done all you can. It is time to move on.

Transform tough times into staying power

I have found that enduring tough times can be an unexpected source of ongoing and even stronger self respect. This process can actually be beneficial to your inner health and your long-term wellbeing. This is similar to when a bone breaks in your body. It hurts like crazy and takes time to heal. However, the section where the break occurred, assuming it heals properly, becomes the strongest part of the bone.

Sometimes tough times prune back our lives and break us free from a whole lot of insecurities and fears and ways of operating that were unproductive. Dealing with the pain is unpleasant at the time, but can become a force for good in our lives. It forces us to take responsibility for ourselves. See it as an opportunity to build self respect.

John Drury

John Drury is a Business Mentor, speaker and author of ‘INTEGRATE – why work-life balance is a myth and what you really need to create a fulfilling lifestyle’. To connect with John go to www.johndrury.biz and follow him on Twitter @JDBizMentor and Instagram @JDBizMentor