01.05.2015 Holistic Health

Sexuality and the Healer's Code

Clear boundaries that honour the Healer's Code are crucial for healing, says David Arenson

We need to have a mature conversation about sexuality as a society at large. There is so much confusion, judgment, abuse, indecency and violence wrapped up in the sexual realm, that we all need healing around sex and sexuality.

As the wonderful Sufi poet Hafiz wrote so poignantly,
"Every desire of your body is holy;
Every desire of your body is Holy."

He didn't mean we act on every desire. Just that we accept all desires including sexuality and begin to see them through the prism of holiness.

Where do sexual boundaries occur and exist in the healing process? If we work as a healer, how do we manage these boundaries?

There is something common in the human experience, a Divine spark within our nature that calls for acknowledgement. As healers and empaths, we easily absorb other people's energies as our own, see ourselves in others, and them in us. As Jung taught, "We meet ourselves time and time again in a thousand disguises on the path of life."

I care deeply about the people I work with. I also know that caring too much has its drawbacks. Too much compassion can make a person too comfortable. It is also draining for me. I need to pull back and encourage self empowerment without any neediness. Empowerment comes when we realise that we are the storytellers.

Some of my experiences delve into the uncomfortable and often murky waters of sexuality. The healer's code means he must respect the healing without crossing boundaries or borders into sexuality. How a person "does" their sexuality and owns their sexuality is how they "do" their life. The story they tell themselves about sex is the same story they tell about their lives. Sex is deeply personal, as well as deeply symbolic and narrative. It contains messages that go into the core of our biological nature.

When you invite a person to be vulnerable, often they open themselves up to you in a way they would to a sexual partner. Thus as a healer, boundaries must always be clear, and one must respect the healing process enough to dignify it.

Of course we know in the therapeutic process, it's common for a person to "fall in love" with their therapist. We call this "transference".

Following professional ethics is the pillar of one's work and one's integrity. Thus, when we come across desire and enter into the depth of a person's feelings, it is important to manage such feelings in a respectful way (not ignore them) where wounds can be healed and looked at in a new way. Traumas and emotional Sankhara(Sanskrit: conditioning of the mind denoting cravings and addictions) are all wrapped up in the unconscious mind where love and sex are projected into the realm of one's emotional centre.

This dance of creativity is all about needs and feelings of the person undergoing the healing. I am human too, yet my neutrality is an essential component in exploring the often messy and entangled fabric from which a personality is birthed.

As long as I retain a professional distance, these feelings can be worked out in a compassionate way over time.

I never want to pretend I am not human, that I don't ever have my own problems, my own challenges, my own sexual desires. Yet if I am the practitioner, I cannot indulge in my own catharsis. The essential aspect is that I don't act out my feelings; that I act with responsibility and self restraint.

Why do I share this?

Unfortunately, there are some men who "prey" on women via offering tantric or "sexual healing". This taints the sacred aspects of both sexuality and of healing. It's an abuse of power.

I cannot condone the crossing of inappropriate boundaries. I think it's important to have this discussion. We need to understand what we are providing (particularly as men) and respect the healing boundary.

Unfortunately, abuse of this type tends to morph into further abuse and trauma by the legal system and society at large. The rationalisations that attempt to justify inexcusable behaviour also damage the sanctity of healing.

What I ask for and expect is holding those abusers accountable for their actions.

The shadows of trauma, and wounds are inflicted on someone placed in a vulnerable position. While I'm not speaking here as an expert, I feel that any "therapist" who claims to be involved in healing, and then carries out a sexual act in the context of healing, has become an abuser. As a man, I believe the lines between practitioner and client/patient are intractable.

Why is this important to me?

My goal as a practitioner is for my client to go within and discover their deepest truths, undergo a redefining and recalibration process, and then birth a personality that is "chosen", rather than being the victim of experiences. There is no other way into awareness than through a deep love of the present. This is a sacred calling.

I believe everybody has a pure soul, a true essence, which is love. All the dramas and attachments are an illusion, taken most seriously by the "ego". I like to tell people, the ego is dead! At the core of our being, love and compassion are our true essence.

My perception of the world is an extension of my belief system. It is not true reality, although it may feel like my reality. We are not separate as human beings. If everything is a projection of the mind, then one cannot understand anything that is outside of the self.

Some so strongly identify with their perceptions, that they are not willing to entertain the notion of being the storyteller. They prefer to stay in "victim" mode.

Transformation requires choosing, it requires a willingness to be vulnerable, and a willingness to focus on the goal.

My desire to do this work is sourced in my own personal journey. I honour all those who have chosen to work with me in revealing and opening themselves to something greater.

David conducts Skype sessions from his Perth home and is available at web: www.transformationalmedicine.net or www.facebook.com/davidarenson

David Zenon Starlyte

Growing up in apartheid South Africa, David had an early initiation into a dysfunctional society. It influenced his thinking and search for peaceful and spiritual solutions. A passion for healing followed a severe childhood illness and a medical approach he found lacking gentleness and compassion. David later studied theology in war-torn Jerusalem for 3 years, before gaining a degree in health science in Australia (Naturopathy). He now lives in Port Douglas and works as a soul coach and hands-on-healer offering spiritual counselling and guidance in finding peace.


To contact him: Email: davidstarlyte@gmail.com Web: http://davidstarlyte Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iamstarlyte Blog: http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/healingandtran... SKYPE: davidstarlyte

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