09.09.2021 Spirituality

Accepting Boundaries

Wholeness comes when we can accept our flaws without labelling them as judgments on us, argues David Zenon

In the new age “spiritual movement” of well meaning cons, egoists and opportunists, there is an indoctrination where the victim of poor behaviour or bad choices is shamed.

I was recently told I was “judging and projecting” when I messaged someone a few times, and they simply did not respond for months. Since I was doing them a favour and spending money on this, I was being put out and inconvenienced and basic respect would have been to respond to me. Not responding is simply not respectful, it is simply bad behaviour. If exhibiting poor manners is a “judgment,” so be it. I was educated to have ethics and to care about other people, and at the minimum to conduct myself in a polite way.

If being impolite is acceptable, yet calling people impolite is a “judgment”,I don’t know what sort of world we live in. Everything is upside down.

Now every time someone coughs without putting their hand in front of the mouth, goes to the toilet in public, drops something on top of someone, is it judging them if you think “How impolite”?

In this post-modern new age, judgments are not allowed apparently. Left is the opposite of right and hence a judgment. Right is the opposite of left and therefore an imposition. Up is far from down, and therefore a judgment too.

Perhaps we should just live in a gravity-free universe. The thing is we don’t. Earth has rules. Earth has physical laws that govern our life in this dimension. All of these are technically “judgments.”

Even gender has become so amorphous, its like can you even find a man or a woman these days? In this nebulous new age post-apocalyptic apocalypse, non-guru gurus and post-guru goddesses selling their wares on street corners have decided that “judgment” means you are a bad person. If you judge people, you are not spiritual (like them).

Someone even wrote a book called Judgment Detox. I wonder what she did with the reviews!

Is integrity out of fashion? And is calling people out on not respecting other people a “judgment’”?

According to that thinking, life is a free-for-all and any time you hurt other peopleyou should be allowed to get away with that as otherwise you would be “being judged” and we don’t want that apparently.

All form is decision, a vantage point as in a judgment. Where can you find a place where polarity doesn’t exist?

We all make mistakes (let’s face it the majority of people around you literally “are mistakes!” – it’s okay to be human.

In my universe, what is not okay is blaming others or worse – attacking overtly or subtly or just being passive aggressive – or ignoring people by being unresponsive.

The cold shoulder treatment seems the most common way people deal with something they’re uncomfortable with, by simple not dealing with it.

It’s like ignoring the problem will just let it go away. How is this “spiritual”? Relationships don’t operate when people don’t communicate. They simply fizzle out, go dry or reach a dead-end. If two people connect, the relationship can only be as strong as the weaker link (the person who connects the least).

In David’s universe, I find it rude to ignore people. Not that I am perfect in this. Especially in social media, often dialogues get tired, or we get busy, or they just aren’t going anywhere, so it’s natural to withdraw when it’s no longer serving.

Social media by its nature often makes communication superficial, or just informal.

Too often a person withdraws without a courtesy message like” I’m really busy” or “I need to take a break” or “let’s just wish each other happy birthday on our birthdays”.

What has happened to courtesy in our world?What has happened to the possibility of commonsense, reason and discernment?

Are we so disconnected from each other that rules don’t exist and standards are countered by puritanical new age flag bearers waving “judgment detox” flags at anyone falling outside their lofty standards?

That a lot of this behaviour happens within so-called spiritual communities and by so-called spiritual people shows that people have a lot of learning and growing to do about simple courtesies and respect, caring for other people’s feelings and human dignity before they even consider themselves “spiritual”.

How we treat other people is important. We may not be comfortable saying, “I don’t feel we’re on the same page. We want different things from life,” or “I’m dating someone new and I don’t feel comfortable talking to you anymore.”

Yet sometimes it needs to be said to honour and respect another person’s feelings.

Disregarding their feelings is not a “spiritual” way to behave.

There is this selfish (even narcissistic) streak in society – how people feel is the most important thing. Not how this affects others. It’s called “empowerment” in the new age movement. And setting healthy “boundaries”. How other people feel is deemed irrelevant.

It is the honourable way to respect how others may be feeling and at least attempt to understand how they are feeling.

For me, I care deeply about people. Is this an unspiritual weakness showing I lack the spine to be “independent” and “stand up for myself”?

Is kindness and caring for people a weakness? Or could it be the most spiritual way to be?

I don’t know the answer for sure.

To feel whole we must first let go of the urge to maintain the image of self importance and of the ego effigy “ME”.

It is in engaging with our “antagonists” that we confront our deepest fears, the places we have suppressed, the darkness within we ignored, the places we don’t want to go to. It is facing up to this where we are most powerfully healed, where we most authentically come home to our wholeness and the beautiful vessel that is our hearts.

So much suffering is caused by not engaging with the things we fear the most, and the inability to be completely honest (with ourselves and others) about our feelings and intentions.

Emotional dependency holds us back from truly freeing ourselves from the idea or addiction to have others meet our emotional needs. A selfish self concept has become normal as it’s seen as “empowering” to know what you want. Is that empowerment or purely a trap of the ego?

The ego puppet version of ourselves is what is causing untold suffering. The “me” I think I am wants X and Y and until I get X and Y I will not be happy. When we can dissolve the boundaries of this false identity we created we will feel much more whole and our searching will end.

We think we have to have unconditional acceptance and gentle boundaries. We think we need our friends and loved ones to offer a safe space without boundary. When they offer us boundary, we are repelled and we suffer according to the starkness of the lines.

We recoil from their “judgments” and create a safe distance whilst we pick at our wounds.

What is the last judgment! Perhaps deep down, some of us are still rooted in our inner child wounding that asks for the loving parenting we never received. The criticism or shame we received as a child made us shrink, withdraw, contract, hide, escape. Love that unlovable little child.

Emotional maturity is about being whole with both our lightness and our darkness, our weaknesses and our strengths. It’s about being able to accept boundaries in ourselves and in other people. Renae A.Sauter writes, “Through the absence of what we think we have to have we can discover our wholeness.”

Letting go of the need not to be judged, may I find myself whole.

David Zenon Starlyte

David is a channel for Divine wisdom. His intuitive coaching, speaking and healing sessions invoke purposeful shifts into deeper connection, confidence, self love, abundance and happiness. An empath, David’s healing is focused on bridging the gap between addressing core wounds and reaching limitless possibilities, to living an extraordinary life. David’s passion for synthesising Eastern and Western approaches to spiritual wellbeing, has seen him immersing himself in the biblical tradition as a monastic, studying Western Naturopathic Medicine and Buddhist / Taoist Healing under three living masters - Master Chen in China, Grand Master Mantak Chia (Time magazine’s top 100 most spiritually influential living people) in Thailand and Ajahn Brahm (one of the world’s foremost masters of meditation) in Australia.

For more information, he can be found at: Website: http://davidstarlyte.com, , Email: davidstarlyte@gmail.com , Facebook: http://facebook.com/iamstarlyte